somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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