Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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