Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
