the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
