he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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