Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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