Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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