Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
