you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize