dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
