I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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