so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
