i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
