eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
