I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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