You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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