Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
