Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
