Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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