Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
