woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
