This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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