I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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