LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
