I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
