just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
