I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
last night I used snow as a chaser
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