I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
