I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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