did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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