i don't like sucking hair
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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