I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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