I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
