I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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