It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
