You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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