Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize