You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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