i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
