I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
