the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
