True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
