do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
