haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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