im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
