did you get engaged???
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
