She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize