booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize