If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
