i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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