So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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