Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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