I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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