Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
