Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
