I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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