i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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