I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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