We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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