Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
