That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
