Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
