I love black thongs
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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