Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
