were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize