Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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