You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
