I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
