She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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