This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
