you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
