I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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