I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
