Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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