we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
