Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
