omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
