My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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