we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
