I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
