its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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