I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
