saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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