I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
