just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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