ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The air was thick with penises
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
