I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
