you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
