Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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