I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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