i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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