and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My cat gives me a boner
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
