im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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