I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
