omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
