Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize