I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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