I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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