I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
