Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
