I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
