im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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