I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
