just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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